My sexuality is none of your concern
by EmiKougamine
Summary: An accidental confession to his classmates turns into an in-depth discussion on Emil's love life - or rather, lack of it. High school AU, human names used. Rated T for sexual references.


_A/N: This is based on a conversation I had with some of my flatmates a while ago, where a chance remark on my lack of relationship experience lead to an entire debate about sexuality. I suppose you could consider the content mature/triggering, as it deals with sexuality and slight bullying, so please bear that in mind. I don't intend it to be painful, though, so if you find it such, I do apologise._

* * *

"So, are you gay?"

Emil groaned in frustration, folding his arms on the desk in front of him and burrowing his head in them. Ever since he'd accidentally let slip that he'd never had a relationship of any kind, never had a first kiss even, his classmates in homeroom had been pestering him with a never-ending barrage of questions about his type, his crushes and his potential sexuality.

He raised his head and glared at the one who'd asked the particularly intrusive question.

"Just because I've never fancied a girl doesn't mean I'm gay." He replied tersely. God, why was everyone so interested in him all of a sudden? Just because he was less experienced than the rest of them didn't give them the right to act like they were in some kind of interrogation drama.

"But you said you've never liked a girl, so you could be, right?" The boy's bright blue eyes shone earnestly as he continued asking question after question, either honestly unaware or deliberately ignoring the Icelander's growing discomfort.

"I said I've never liked a girl enough to want to kiss her" He clarified. "And I can't help it if no girl has ever wanted to kiss _me,_ either."

By this point, Emil was seriously regretting having said anything in the first place, but he couldn't help answering honestly when his friends had started discussing the upcoming prom and asked who he planned to attend with. When he reluctantly confessed that not only did he not plan on going in the first place, but had no idea who he'd take even if he did, his classmates had been determined to get to the bottom of his evasiveness.

And so, here he was, supremely uncomfortable with being in the centre of attention, faced with a sea of curious stares and fed up with the rounds of debate from his 'well-meaning' classmates.

"Hmm. Well, you don't really like parties and things, so I guess that kind of situation wouldn't happen." One of the others pointed out, a veiled sneer implicit in his tone.

Emil rolled his eyes. Yes, he was one of the few teenagers who didn't go out drinking and partying every weekend, hooking up with whoever took their fancy. So shoot him. He was a little socially awkward, what of it?

"So, have you never looked at a girl and thought 'wow, I want a piece of that'"? Another asked obnoxiously, and rather crudely at that.

Emil resisted the urge to scream. "NO! O.K, I've seen girls who are pretty or who other guys have said are pretty, or hot, or that they'd like to bang or whatever, but that doesn't make me want to go out with them. Just because I think someone might make a good girlfriend doesn't mean I actually want to date her or anything." Why couldn't they understand that not everyone was as obsessed with dating and the opposite sex as they were?

"So, you _are_ gay then! I mean, your brother is too, right? Maybe it, like rubbed off on you or something?"

Emil didn't even bother trying to hide his anger this time. Yes, his older brother Lukas, a few years ahead of him, was sort of in a relation with an energetic Danish boy named Mathias, though he was quick to refute the idea whenever it came up, despite all evidence to the contrary. That didn't mean Emil shared his brother's sexuality, though!

"I AM NOT GAY," he said through gritted teeth, casting a withering glare at the speaker who'd made the suggestion. "Just because I don't want to get it on with every pretty girl I come across doesn't automatically mean I'm attracted to guys instead!" Oh, why hadn't he just made something up, a childhood friend or old playmate or _something,_ instead of blurting out the truth and being forced to endure all these annoying questions?

Except Emil knew he couldn't lie to save his life, at least not about something like this, and certainly not on the spot. Yes, he elaborated or stretched the truth occasionally, but the only person he could outright lie to was Mathias, and that was only because the Dane was gullible to the point of stupidity. Well, perhaps that was a little unfair. The kind-hearted guy was a little too trusting, that's all. But the point remained that if only Emil hadn't been so flustered at his classmates unexpected discussion, he could have avoided all this hassle.

They just wouldn't let the topic go, however. Seemingly determined to get to the bottom of Emil's relationship status, or lack of it, they continued with their cross-examination.

"Who d'you jack off to, then?"

Taken completely by surprise, Emil could only stare in shock at the one who asked such an unexpected, not to mention unpleasant, question.

" **I don't."** he replied frostily, once he was able to speak again. "I don't…I mean, I've never…needed to. I've never…felt that way about anyone." As he spoke, the Icelander's voice trailed off, knowing his confession was about to spark off a whole new round of debate and quizzes.

The revelation was absorbed in silence, then the same boy as before spoke up. "Are you saying you've never been horny before?" he asked incredulously.

"Dude, you're seventeen, you must have wanted to get it on with _someone_!" Another exclaimed.

Shit. Now he'd _really_ done it.

Well, if the cat was well and truly out of the bag now, he might as well go ahead and get it over with. Taking a deep breath, Emil prepared for the storm about to ensue.

"I'm a virgin. I've never felt 'horny'" - this said with a distinct sneer - "ever. I don't even know what it's like."

He sat back and waited for the inevitable reactions, taking a sadistic kind of pleasure in the look of utter shock on his classmate's faces. Keeping oneself pure was one thing, but to not even have had those kinds of urges in the first place, let alone act on them? That w _as_ unusual, to say the least.

"…So, are you, like, asexual, then?" One of them dared put the suggestion forward, looking a little apprehensive at what the answer might be.

Emil smirked internally. What were they afraid of? It wasn't like it was catching; they weren't going to lose their testosterone-fuelled libidos merely by associating with someone who chose not to engage in sexual activities themselves.

He crossed his arms and shrugged carelessly. "I don't know. I might be. I've considered the possibility, at least." The group gathered around looked from one to another, unsure what to say at the Icelander's calm revelation. Well, if nothing else, at least the idea might stop his classmates from pestering him so much, Emil thought, if they thought their efforts would get them nowhere.

"Are you, uh, OK with that?" One of them asked nervously, looking a little frightened and confused. Emil snorted; it was _his_ choice to accept, not theirs! What a ridiculous question.

"I'm not saying I definitely am, just that I've considered it. I don't know for sure, but for the moment, relationships really aren't that important to me. If it happens, it happens, but I'm not going to go look for it if I don't feel like it. I'm happy, and that's what matters." Emil's firm tone told the listeners that as far as he was concerned, that was it. End of.

"Well, whatever makes you happy, man" One boy told Emil.

"Yeah, if you're fine with it, that's cool, I guess." Another echoed his reluctant agreement, his doubtful tone showing he was still trying to get his head around the idea.

Thankfully, Emil was saved any further embarrassment by the bell ringing to signal the beginning of class. The group began to disperse back to their seats, and Emil finally relaxed. He'd never been so grateful for the sound of the school bell in his entire life.

The teacher entered the room, followed by a new student. The class sat up in their seats, a buzz of voices sounding at the sight of the transfer. As the teacher made them settle down and began introducing the boy, Emil regarded the new student thoughtfully. No doubt the addition would be an interesting topic of conversation between the class, and Emil was sure the morning's issue would start afresh with his new classmate, but he would deal with all that as and when it happened. Whether or not he turned out to be friends, or maybe even more than friends, was something to be discovered in the future. For now, though, Emil settled for accepting the other's introduction as the new boy was seated at the desk to his right.

"So, like, hey. My name's Leon, what's yours?"

* * *

 _Hopefully I've made the ending ambiguous in that the reader can decide for themselves what Emil's sexuality really is. In any case, I think HongIce is a cute ship, regardless of whether it's sexual or not._

 _As I said in the beginning, this is based on a conversation I had with my flatmates when they started discussing their relationships, and I had to admit my lack of experience, and, by extension, current lack of interest. I'm almost 21, I'm in Uni, and I've never had any kind of romantic experience whatsoever - no first kiss, no sex - of any kind - no boyfriend, or girlfriend for that matter, and no real desire to change any of that any time soon. I'm not the only person to be in this situation, either, and there is no shame in having less experience than others, your own age or not. Conversely, there is no shame in having_ more _experience than others, either, as long as you're safe and happy. No one should **ever** have to feel ashamed, embarrassed or scared about their relationship status/es, and you should **never** feel pressured into doing something you aren't comfortable with - or pressure someone else into doing something they don't want either. _

_In terms of sexuality, that is something only you can decide, but again, you should never have to be pressured into being or feeling something you're not. If you need help, advice, or simply someone to listen to, speak to someone you trust at school, work, home etc._


End file.
